Our souls suffer when the mind and body are traumatized.
I was about 7-years old when I was sexually abused. I mentioned it for the first time to another person about a month ago. The experience came up periodically beforehand but I had no hardened thoughts or feelings about it, so I didn’t give it a second thought.
It was midday when a neighbor, a girl a few years older, came over wanting me hang out. I followed her to her parents’ house across the street then to her room. Suddenly she demanded that I take off my clothes. She took hers off then demanded acts on her and did them to me. I got dressed when this experience was over then went home, never thinking of it again until I was an adult.
As I looked back, I didn’t think much of that afternoon because there was no threats or physical harm done. The reality is that my physical, mental and emotional boundaries were obliterated. This hurt my soul.
In my adult life, I had no emotional, mental or spiritual connections to the men I had sex with, only physical. There were times when I cried during sex.
Sexual abuse changes everything. It damages your chakras, either shutting them down or opening them too wide. Mine shut down. I ate my emotions, binged on sugar for comfort; changed apartments every eight months; went back and forth between having lots of money and giving it away because I didn’t feel worthy of having it or not having any, scraping together pennies; looked for approval from everyone; had my head in the clouds; never spoke my truth; or listened to my intuition.
I attracted a lot of rape victims into my life. They were mirrors, but I didn’t realize it until now.
Healing is cyclical. My spiritual awakening helped me take conscious steps towards healing other parts of my life. When my sexual abuse came up again last month I realized that my nonchalant attitude was for a reason. I was in shock. Even now I have no hardened emotions about that day, but I admit more than ever that I was abused.
I’ve been making healthier choices, especially with food and relationships. My body is my primary home. A temple. The place where my soul dwells. It’s happier that I’m more aware of the experiences that impacted my mind and body.
Abuse is abuse no matter how you react to it. If you or someone has been sexually abused, please seek help. Contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673).
Contact RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) for additional support.