memoir

Feeling Gratitude For An Unusual Year

Make no mistake, 2020 has been an unusual year. Like many others across the globe, I made plans that I had to either cancel or put on hold. Rather than bemoan not being able to do what I want, I feel gratitude for the global lockdown.

An Astrological Perspective 
Saturn is the planet of longterm plans, patience, and dedication. The goal is to get us to stop, review, and plan a routine, relationship, or project that we will commit to for years to come. Saturn has no interest in being quick and fickle. He puts his foot down whenever we are — delays and obstacles become abundant. This is how my life felt when Saturn transited over my natal sun for two and a half years between 2017 and 2020.

In Vedic astrology, Sadi Sati is the seven and a half year period when Saturn transits the houses before, in, and after the natal moon. This can be a challenging or auspicious time. The Small Panoti is similar when Saturn transits the houses forth, eighth, and tenth from the natal moon. Again, experiences vary with the individual because of past and present life karma (actions). 

Imagine having a good time playing in the mud. (It was really my childhood pastime.) You’re pouring clear water over soft sand, working the two together in your hands, and enjoying watching different ideas appear. You feel happy, peaceful, but then you get hungry and can’t move. No matter what you do — pouring more water to thin the mud, using the shovel to pry away mud, or calling for help — and none of it works. That was my life…stuck. I had auspicious experiences for most of my Sadi Sati, but not so much with the Small Panoti right afterwards.

Hidden Blessings
I needed to look at my work-life balance. Working hard helping others has always been my mode, but I didn’t spend enough time doing selfcare or paying attention to my artistic projects. My heart was exhausted. I needed to dedicate my time and energy to myself first, especially because I am an empath and an introvert. Rest is imperative. I always shared with clients to fill their cups first then share whatever flowed into the saucer, but I was barely taking my own advice.

The more I turned inward the better my life improved. Yoga, meditation, and writing poetry were the primary ways of spending time with myself. This helped me see the other creative projects — knitting, crochet, sewing, painting, and music — that needed to be simplified or eliminated. I was genuinely passionate about all I did, but everything eerily became distractions from mastering one or two things that could become longterm endeavors.

Looking Ahead
My spirit guides are always preparing me for big shifts. Some leave me giving the change an approving nod, while others have me crying because it feels like all my teeth are being pulled at the same time. I am still healing from Saturn’s previous transit, but with it now transiting Capricorn, I am rebuilding my life with selfcare as the foundation. 

Yoga teacher training is giving me a new avenue to integrate what I love. After certification, I plan to share what I learned as services, videos, and blog articles. I also see my artistry from a different perspective. The poetry and music projects that I planned earlier this year are pushed back a few months because my style has been undergoing a massive transformation. 

Overall, I feel grateful for 2020 because I have been able to rest, heal, and improve my life. It feels good developing a stronger and healthier relationship with Saturn. I understand his guidance better. He wasn’t blocking me, only pointing out a different and more auspicious way of living.

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